This is always an inflammatory topic, and it has taken the forefront of the national debate (I refuse to say dialog since that would imply a sense of rationality and civilty) given the evil acts against the students and staff of Sandy Hook Elementary in Connecticut.
I spent much of the day trying to sort it out. I will not rehash the arguments of the pro and anti-gun positions. There is already an enormous amount of shouting back and forth between the two sides....... and that's just the arguing inside my own head. The harsh reality is that both sides are correct. Both sides are also wrong.
First of all, I own guns. Some I bought in my own name, others I purchased from others. Some are merely keepsakes and mementos. Others are kept around for killing. Yes folks, killing. That is what guns are for. Target shooting, hunting, and the like are recreation for many. Even the most shrill of the anti-gun movement would get a kick out of emptying a clip through an AK-47. SO they are fun, but the purpose of guns remains killing.
Let me give you a run-down on my 'recreational' weapons. I've a 30-06, a 30-30, a 10/22, and a 12 ga. shotgun. The first two are designed to hunt large game, especially deer. The 30-06 also has a decent scope on board. Combine that with some 'accelerator' ammo that I may or may not still have and you have a weapon system that is untraceable. I permanently gave up hunting years ago. I keep the 30-30 because it is fun to shoot. Why then do I keep the 30-06? The 10/22 is waiting for any family member that expresses any interest in taking it. Technically none of these guns are mine. The 30-06 was my father's. The 30-30 came from my brother George.....I think. I didn't buy it. The 10/22 was a gift from either my mom or dad, so who knows who owns that one. That leaves the shotgun. I had a buddy of mine get that for me almost 30 years back. He was about 18 at the time and working for ZCMI. They stopped selling guns, so he bought a bunch of them at a smoking deal.
I also have guns that are not for recreation. That means they are expressly for killing folks. I used to have an 'assault rifle'. I returned it to its previous owner. I have a .40 SW and the aforementioned shotgun for defensive purposes. Assault weapons are, by their nature for offensive use. I can't rule out using deadly force, but if I do I won't need to take out a dozen people, just one or two tops. The shotgun is much safer to use in home defense because it lacks penetration. Pistols, especially in the dark and against moving targets, require me to be close enough that I am practically touching the bad guys with it.
I like having guns. They are a comfort to me. There have been times I have drawn them in defense. Fortunately both situations defused without me having to shoot. I have since abandoned guns and now use a staff to defend myself in the back-country. Twice this year I was rushed by dogs with their fangs bared. The last guy didn't even apologize for his dog. I told him I was just going to kick his dog, the staff was for him. I'm thinking of getting a spear tip at the Chinese store in the mall. It will look cool!
Finally I want to make a simple point. The police cannot protect you, at least not immediately. Self-defense is not only a right but something everyone should commit themselves to learn how to do.
That's the gun nut in me. While I have mellowed somewhat over the years, I am still, deep down, a nasty person under certain circumstances.
What about the anti-gun side of me? I am reminded of a story I heard about my nephew. When he was young he wanted to go 'bunny-camping' with his Dad. He thought the purpose was to find rabbits so he could pet them. I laughed at the time, but I have since come to realize that he was right. I have bunnies that I pet every day. While I do not speak out against hunting, I find the practice personally abhorrent now. In fact, the only reason I didn't bludgeon those dogs I mentioned earlier, was because I don't want to have to someday explain to my nephew why I was mean to a dog. Though I suspect he'd give me a pass on the owners.
Guns don't always impart safety. Don't believe me? Then why don't they allow me to pack heat on a plane? Or a courtroom? Let's assume that I am carrying a pistol and trouble breaks out. Even if I don't fire a single round, what happens when the cops show up? They don't know who is the bad guy and who isn't. I might get shot! That kind of defeats the whole damn purpose doesn't it. Besides, pistols often miss and sometimes hit innocents. I do sometimes carry a knife. My lifetime batting average on getting the proper target with it is 1.000. If I am defending my home, then there can be little doubt who the bad guy is. He's the dead guy on the floor. Outside of the home, I feel that firearms simply cannot be justified. My wife still believes otherwise, which means nobody better screw around with me, at least when she's nearby.
People point to Switzerland and correctly assert that every house with a man between 20 and 50 has an assault weapon in it. It's true. Every man (not women incidentally, the Swiss were actually the last European nation that allowed women suffrage) between 20 and 50 has to be in the militia. And guess where they keep their firearm? Locked up at home. The Swiss don't have young thugs gunning each other down in the street. They don't have anybody shooting up schools or shopping malls. Obviously guns aren't the problem. Right?
Partially. The Swiss culture and population are a bit more homogeneous than our own. Like Americans they glorify money, but not violence. There is another crucial difference between us and the Swiss. Every single freaking gun is where it should be, with whom it should be, and stored how it should be. Let me break that down.
Where it should be:
Either in the home or on duty. They don't hunt a lot in Switzerland.
With whom it should be:
In Switzerland know who has what and everything is accounted for. Damn those Swiss are orderly and efficient.
We do criminal background checks on gun sold by dealers. Yet no such standard exists for private saless. I could go outside right now and sell my pistol to some asshole pissing on my mailbox, who is strung out on meth, and has been without his anti-schizophrenia medications for two months. How any rational person can defend this defies reason. All gun ownership must be tracked and background checks must be done. Plain and simple.
Gun ownership is a privilege, not a right. If you have a car it has to be registered, and inspected. You have to have a license to operate it. To keep your license, periodically you have to demonstrate you still know what the hell you are doing. And when you violate the law you lose your license and , often, the car. The same standards should be applied to guns. Like cars, there will still be some that make it into bad guys hands. But we can significantly reduce the amount of guns held by the bad guys. And yes, the law-abiding among us can still get weapons after we established that we don't piss on my mailbox or have a criminal record, restraining order, etc.
How it should be:
In a safe or with a gun lock. That will keep little kids from finding daddy's gun and blowing their brains out with it. But wait! What if I have to 'get at it fast'? Keep the damn thing unloaded. Still not quick enough for you? Load it at night when you are sleeping and unload it and lock it up when you wake up the next day. It's the same reason I don't keep my car gassed up and running in my driveway.
I tend to get confused at night. If I reached for my gun every time something startled me, then my dog Fly would have died a thousand deaths when she bulldozes the bedroom door open. I would have shot all my kids at least once, when they've sought help for ailments in the middle of the night. Even my wife would have been capped multiple times after she has awakened me at night (usually on my birthday or when I have done something especially thoughtful or romantic earlier in the day).
Finally there is my conflicting emotions. I mentioned earlier that having guns around makes me feel safe. It doesn't make me safe, but I do feel safe. And that has value. I am also a Taoist, and as such I simultaneously value and despise weapons of any sort. People often ask, "what would Jesus do". I doubt he'd own a gun. Were he threatened, I suppose he could start throwing lightning bolts or unleash angels with fiery swords. I dunno. Also being a Mormon, the closest thing to Jesus, is what would Thomas S. Monson have me do. Call me crazy, but I'll bet that old boy doesn't have a gun either. If he gets up in conference and instructs LDS faithful to rid themselves of weapons then I will do it. I won't sell them, I'll melt them down. If I had sufficient faith I would have already done it since, according to Lao Tzu, Heaven protects the merciful.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
what is wrong with me......and everyone else.
I am a slothful man. There is a difference between lazy and slothful. I am typically lazy. As I type this I am sitting in my filthy La-z-Boy recliner wearing nothing but some nylon running shorts. This particular pair of shorts is one that I found at Diamond Fork Hot Springs about five years back. Somebody had left them hanging at the Kokopelli pools. I noticed they were my size so I threw them in my backpack, took them home, and washed them. Five years later I am wearing an atricle of clothing that I found abandoned in the mountains. I am wearing the sticky remnants of some Pho' broth that spilled on me. I've been up an hour already and have not bathed. That is sloth.
I have also not blogged for about 10 months. That would be clear evidence of calculated indifference. Anyone that knows me realizes that my indifference is not calculated. By definition, calculated indifference would in fact necessitate desire.
One of my favorite books is 'Eat the Rich' by P.J. O'Rourke. While it was written about 20 years ago, it holds up well. The central theme about the book is why do some countries suck and others don't. In it he gives a simple overview of what makes markets, how currency is derived, and examines various economic systems. He visits countries, travels around and talks to regular folks.....and their finance ministers.
Uncle Peej (as I'm fond of calling him) is also a gifted writer that manages to pen statements that are astute and wildly funny. He has written other books that would serve as excellent companions to 'Eat the Rich'. Among these are 'All the Trouble in the World', 'Give War a Chance', and his most famous 'Parliament of Whores'. I feel that 'Eat the Rich' is his magnum opus.
All that stuff that our parents were yelling at us about during high school and college is right. All of the things they told us to do are the same things that nations need to do. Perhaps it is time we need to revisit these virtues. The following list is blatantly lifted from Uncle Peej's book.
1) Hard Work
2) Education
3) Responsibility
4) Property rights
5) Rule of Law
6) Democratic Government
there is only one item that I would add to the list and that is:
7) Being part of something bigger than yourself.
For many that is manifested in adhering to a faith. For others it is an adherence to a particular ethos. Merely existing within such a system doesn't impart wealth. That is reserved for those that truly believe that they are an integrated piece of a larger and greater whole.
Note that culture is not listed. People equate culture with fine arts. Having the Utah Symphony visit equatorial Africa won't lift them out of poverty. Yet clearly there are some cultures where poverty doesn't exist. It is the values espoused by the culture that impart prosperity.
As a child my father taught me some very racist notions. He told me that all races and cultures bring various things to the table and are to be studied and appreciated. There was one that is superior......the Japanese. Think about Japan then read the above list. Now picture a place, a people, a country, or any place that poverty exists. Read the list......it should be pretty obvious what their problem is!
When was the last time you saw a poor person of Japanese ancestry either here of in Japan? How about a Swede? Have you ever seen a prosperous Somali or Bolivian. Even the ones that are either pirating ships or trafficking Coke are perpetually back on their ass the moment the cash flow halts for more than a week.
Russia is a well-educated nation. In Russia, chess is a spectator sport for hells sake! It exports food. It is swimming in oil and gas, rare minerals, diamonds, and any other natural resource you can think of. Why does Russia suck? Look at the list.
China, Egypt, Iraq, Pakistan, India, and Iran are all the location of ancient and sustained civilizations and cultures. China and India are the only two that are getting better. The others suck and are getting suckier. Look at the list.
Cultures that derive their character from the above list thrive no matter where they exist. The reason that the Swedes and the Japanese are not poor is because they refuse to live anywhere that doesn't adhere to the list.
So back to my unkempt (and progressively smellier) self that is flopped in a recliner that even the filthiest person on earth would hesitate to sit in. How do I stack up personally on this list?
Hard Work
I work hard.......in a sense, and only at work. My wife can attest that nothing short of the prospect of sexual favors will exact any housework out of me. What I do in the Pharmacy is often fast-paced, requires constant focus, and involves being on one's feet for hours on end. Still it's not a particularly demanding job from a physical sense. I worked a number of jobs that involved getting dirty, being in temperature extremes, and lifting and moving large amounts of heavy shit. These jobs suck. The people that do them are not without dignity or worth. These jobs are quite necessary. Nonetheless these jobs suck. The reason I went to Pharmacy School is to get a job that was clean, indoors, and didn't involve heavy lifting. I had just such a job when I delivered pizza, but being a Pharmacist pays a bit better.
Education
I got through Pharmacy School, and half way through an MBA. The lion's share of my 'education' has been feeding my hobbies. I like to war-game and spend time in the wilderness. If I can either in a natural hot spring, it's even better.
Responsibility
You know what? I should probably cut my losses short by stopping right now. Suffice it to say that the list is correct. We need to adhere to it on a personal level. When this is done, we can do it within our family. When this is done, we can do it within our community. When this is done we can do it within our State. When this is done then we can do it within our country. When this is done, then (and only then) the world will change.
Right now the only changing I am going to do is stand up, shower, and put on some clean clothing in which I can appear in public.
I have also not blogged for about 10 months. That would be clear evidence of calculated indifference. Anyone that knows me realizes that my indifference is not calculated. By definition, calculated indifference would in fact necessitate desire.
One of my favorite books is 'Eat the Rich' by P.J. O'Rourke. While it was written about 20 years ago, it holds up well. The central theme about the book is why do some countries suck and others don't. In it he gives a simple overview of what makes markets, how currency is derived, and examines various economic systems. He visits countries, travels around and talks to regular folks.....and their finance ministers.
Uncle Peej (as I'm fond of calling him) is also a gifted writer that manages to pen statements that are astute and wildly funny. He has written other books that would serve as excellent companions to 'Eat the Rich'. Among these are 'All the Trouble in the World', 'Give War a Chance', and his most famous 'Parliament of Whores'. I feel that 'Eat the Rich' is his magnum opus.
All that stuff that our parents were yelling at us about during high school and college is right. All of the things they told us to do are the same things that nations need to do. Perhaps it is time we need to revisit these virtues. The following list is blatantly lifted from Uncle Peej's book.
1) Hard Work
2) Education
3) Responsibility
4) Property rights
5) Rule of Law
6) Democratic Government
there is only one item that I would add to the list and that is:
7) Being part of something bigger than yourself.
For many that is manifested in adhering to a faith. For others it is an adherence to a particular ethos. Merely existing within such a system doesn't impart wealth. That is reserved for those that truly believe that they are an integrated piece of a larger and greater whole.
Note that culture is not listed. People equate culture with fine arts. Having the Utah Symphony visit equatorial Africa won't lift them out of poverty. Yet clearly there are some cultures where poverty doesn't exist. It is the values espoused by the culture that impart prosperity.
As a child my father taught me some very racist notions. He told me that all races and cultures bring various things to the table and are to be studied and appreciated. There was one that is superior......the Japanese. Think about Japan then read the above list. Now picture a place, a people, a country, or any place that poverty exists. Read the list......it should be pretty obvious what their problem is!
When was the last time you saw a poor person of Japanese ancestry either here of in Japan? How about a Swede? Have you ever seen a prosperous Somali or Bolivian. Even the ones that are either pirating ships or trafficking Coke are perpetually back on their ass the moment the cash flow halts for more than a week.
Russia is a well-educated nation. In Russia, chess is a spectator sport for hells sake! It exports food. It is swimming in oil and gas, rare minerals, diamonds, and any other natural resource you can think of. Why does Russia suck? Look at the list.
China, Egypt, Iraq, Pakistan, India, and Iran are all the location of ancient and sustained civilizations and cultures. China and India are the only two that are getting better. The others suck and are getting suckier. Look at the list.
Cultures that derive their character from the above list thrive no matter where they exist. The reason that the Swedes and the Japanese are not poor is because they refuse to live anywhere that doesn't adhere to the list.
So back to my unkempt (and progressively smellier) self that is flopped in a recliner that even the filthiest person on earth would hesitate to sit in. How do I stack up personally on this list?
Hard Work
I work hard.......in a sense, and only at work. My wife can attest that nothing short of the prospect of sexual favors will exact any housework out of me. What I do in the Pharmacy is often fast-paced, requires constant focus, and involves being on one's feet for hours on end. Still it's not a particularly demanding job from a physical sense. I worked a number of jobs that involved getting dirty, being in temperature extremes, and lifting and moving large amounts of heavy shit. These jobs suck. The people that do them are not without dignity or worth. These jobs are quite necessary. Nonetheless these jobs suck. The reason I went to Pharmacy School is to get a job that was clean, indoors, and didn't involve heavy lifting. I had just such a job when I delivered pizza, but being a Pharmacist pays a bit better.
Education
I got through Pharmacy School, and half way through an MBA. The lion's share of my 'education' has been feeding my hobbies. I like to war-game and spend time in the wilderness. If I can either in a natural hot spring, it's even better.
Responsibility
You know what? I should probably cut my losses short by stopping right now. Suffice it to say that the list is correct. We need to adhere to it on a personal level. When this is done, we can do it within our family. When this is done, we can do it within our community. When this is done we can do it within our State. When this is done then we can do it within our country. When this is done, then (and only then) the world will change.
Right now the only changing I am going to do is stand up, shower, and put on some clean clothing in which I can appear in public.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Favorite movies
The Academy Awards will be on in a few hours. Everyone is prognosticating, keeping score, and making lists. I've no intention of watching it, unless of course my wife says something to the effect, "Honey you need to hurry in hear and see what (Salma, Penelope, Sofia etc.) is wearing.....I can't believe she isn't getting arrested for wearing something like that in public"
I have often thought about what my favorite movies are. I'll kick out a few titles and let it drop after a few minutes. Coming up with a straight up 'top ten' is impossible for me. The question was how to break it down. Certainly I could have done it by director. Certainly many of the great directors are repesented on my list. Instead I have opted to break it down by movie genre. I much prefer movies that defy easy classification as will become evident when I give reasons for why a particular movie is my favorite. Notable among the absences is fantasy and sword/sorcery type stuff. It's never been my cup of chowder.
The genre breakdown according to me is:
1) Romance
2) Dystopian future
3) War
4) Crime drama
5) Musical
6) Comedy
7)Action
8) Suspense
9) "Kid" movies
10) Western
Of course 'porn' could be an 11th category. They actually used to make movie versions of this stuff......when I was much, much younger. I'll just say it and be done with it. No explanations. 'Insatiable' with Marilyn Chambers. Based on the strength of that movie alone, I voted for her as vice-president in 2004.
I will take these in reverse order.
Western: 'Silverado'.
Memorable characters with unique motivations. It is well scripted especially in how the stories begin to intertwine and eventually collide.
Runner-up: 'Mister Majestyk'. Cliche' ridden, but the truck chase and unsuing final shootout still makes me smile.
"Kid" movies: 'Babe'
This talking pig forever ingrained in me that kindness and unconditional love can transform the lives of people......and animals.
Runner-up: Toy Story III. Admit it, you got misty eyed-when they were all headed for the incinerator. The miracle is Pixar bringing 'life' to the characters.
Suspense: No Country for Old Men.
At the heart of every good suspense movie is a bad guy. Anton Chiggurh was a really, really bad dude. Truly ruthless.
Runner-up: The Usual Suspects. A genuine 'surpise' ending. Well scripted (but needlessly heavy on the profanity) and another delicious bad guy in the form of Kayser Soza
Action: Aliens
Space critters, valiant Marines, and Sigourney Weaver alternating between nurturing and kicking ass.........wearing a wife-beater!
Runner-up: Kung Fu Hustle. It combines elements of romance, redemption, and loyalty, which I enjoy in movies. It combines camp and drama with a dash of Taoism stirred in.
Comedy: There's Something about Mary.
Several instances of comedy gold in this one. The entire cast got in on the laughs, not just one or two people. It was raunchy and sweet.
Runner-up: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
All the same reasons listed above, plus Glenn Headly actually spun me into her web. Sweet, just not too raunchy.
Musical: Little Shop of Horrors
OK....it's Broadway. Ellen Greene absolutely owned the role of Audrey. It alternated humor with horror pretty well also.
Runner-up: Rocky Horror Picture Show. A play brought to the screen. It has to be seen live of course.
Crime Drama: Godfather 1 and 2
It was one book, therefore I consider it one epic movie in two parts. It is a master class in movie making. Amost as quoatble as the Big Lebowski.......almost.
Runner-up: Lock, Stock, and two smoking barrels. Yup, Guy Ritchie was making movies before 'Sherlock Holmes'. It's all about characters and intertwining story lines.
War: Full Metal Jacket
I saw this one the day after I got back from OCS. The first half of the movie seemed like a comedy to me. Mainly because it was happening to some other guy. While I've not experienced combat, I am told that it was true to life. There's no overt 'broader message' just guys trying to survive and make sense of absurdity.
Runner-up: Platoon. Again it's all about characters. How much was I moved by this movie? One of my sons is named 'Elias' after Willem Dafoe's character.
Dystopian Future: The Matrix. Easily one of the most influential movies ever. The special effects were the things that were copied. The original idea, good script, and characters is what made this movie great.
Runner-up: AI. That's two Kubrick movies if you're counting and not the two that are considered his greatest. The question of what is living and what is not is an easier one to answer. What makes an enduring soul is difficult to answer. On an emotional lever I have never been moved so much and for so long as this one.
Romance: I am going to do the Runner-up first, the English Patient. I enjoy separate stories that are woven together. It is from a time and place that I have studied extensively, but this movie brought it to life. Well written, well acted, had the guts to have a bitter ending.
My favorite? Same era as the above, just the other end of the continent. Specifically Morocco. It is a movie of sacrifice, heartbreak, weariness, intrigue, and betrayal. Redemption, through taking a stand and doing what is best for others, is a theme that I've always had an affinity for. In sacrificing ourselves, we can change the tide. We also reclaim eternal our soul. That is why Casablanca will likely be my favorite movie forever.
I have often thought about what my favorite movies are. I'll kick out a few titles and let it drop after a few minutes. Coming up with a straight up 'top ten' is impossible for me. The question was how to break it down. Certainly I could have done it by director. Certainly many of the great directors are repesented on my list. Instead I have opted to break it down by movie genre. I much prefer movies that defy easy classification as will become evident when I give reasons for why a particular movie is my favorite. Notable among the absences is fantasy and sword/sorcery type stuff. It's never been my cup of chowder.
The genre breakdown according to me is:
1) Romance
2) Dystopian future
3) War
4) Crime drama
5) Musical
6) Comedy
7)Action
8) Suspense
9) "Kid" movies
10) Western
Of course 'porn' could be an 11th category. They actually used to make movie versions of this stuff......when I was much, much younger. I'll just say it and be done with it. No explanations. 'Insatiable' with Marilyn Chambers. Based on the strength of that movie alone, I voted for her as vice-president in 2004.
I will take these in reverse order.
Western: 'Silverado'.
Memorable characters with unique motivations. It is well scripted especially in how the stories begin to intertwine and eventually collide.
Runner-up: 'Mister Majestyk'. Cliche' ridden, but the truck chase and unsuing final shootout still makes me smile.
"Kid" movies: 'Babe'
This talking pig forever ingrained in me that kindness and unconditional love can transform the lives of people......and animals.
Runner-up: Toy Story III. Admit it, you got misty eyed-when they were all headed for the incinerator. The miracle is Pixar bringing 'life' to the characters.
Suspense: No Country for Old Men.
At the heart of every good suspense movie is a bad guy. Anton Chiggurh was a really, really bad dude. Truly ruthless.
Runner-up: The Usual Suspects. A genuine 'surpise' ending. Well scripted (but needlessly heavy on the profanity) and another delicious bad guy in the form of Kayser Soza
Action: Aliens
Space critters, valiant Marines, and Sigourney Weaver alternating between nurturing and kicking ass.........wearing a wife-beater!
Runner-up: Kung Fu Hustle. It combines elements of romance, redemption, and loyalty, which I enjoy in movies. It combines camp and drama with a dash of Taoism stirred in.
Comedy: There's Something about Mary.
Several instances of comedy gold in this one. The entire cast got in on the laughs, not just one or two people. It was raunchy and sweet.
Runner-up: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
All the same reasons listed above, plus Glenn Headly actually spun me into her web. Sweet, just not too raunchy.
Musical: Little Shop of Horrors
OK....it's Broadway. Ellen Greene absolutely owned the role of Audrey. It alternated humor with horror pretty well also.
Runner-up: Rocky Horror Picture Show. A play brought to the screen. It has to be seen live of course.
Crime Drama: Godfather 1 and 2
It was one book, therefore I consider it one epic movie in two parts. It is a master class in movie making. Amost as quoatble as the Big Lebowski.......almost.
Runner-up: Lock, Stock, and two smoking barrels. Yup, Guy Ritchie was making movies before 'Sherlock Holmes'. It's all about characters and intertwining story lines.
War: Full Metal Jacket
I saw this one the day after I got back from OCS. The first half of the movie seemed like a comedy to me. Mainly because it was happening to some other guy. While I've not experienced combat, I am told that it was true to life. There's no overt 'broader message' just guys trying to survive and make sense of absurdity.
Runner-up: Platoon. Again it's all about characters. How much was I moved by this movie? One of my sons is named 'Elias' after Willem Dafoe's character.
Dystopian Future: The Matrix. Easily one of the most influential movies ever. The special effects were the things that were copied. The original idea, good script, and characters is what made this movie great.
Runner-up: AI. That's two Kubrick movies if you're counting and not the two that are considered his greatest. The question of what is living and what is not is an easier one to answer. What makes an enduring soul is difficult to answer. On an emotional lever I have never been moved so much and for so long as this one.
Romance: I am going to do the Runner-up first, the English Patient. I enjoy separate stories that are woven together. It is from a time and place that I have studied extensively, but this movie brought it to life. Well written, well acted, had the guts to have a bitter ending.
My favorite? Same era as the above, just the other end of the continent. Specifically Morocco. It is a movie of sacrifice, heartbreak, weariness, intrigue, and betrayal. Redemption, through taking a stand and doing what is best for others, is a theme that I've always had an affinity for. In sacrificing ourselves, we can change the tide. We also reclaim eternal our soul. That is why Casablanca will likely be my favorite movie forever.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
alchemy
When one hears the word 'alchemy' the first thing that comes to mind is turning lead into gold. It can be done actually. If you take thin lead sheets and bombard them with some type of nucleus in an accelerator......ask the folks at CERN. I am sure they can tell exactly how it can be done. A broader definition of alchemy is turning dross, or something undesirable, into something desirable. If turning lead into gold were easily done, then two things would occur. First, the price of lead would immediately jump at the same time that gold would plummet Eventually the two would be very close to each other and both would continue to drop in value until they begin to approach the historic prices of lead. In the end, nobody wins.
There is such a thing as modern alchemy however. It is cooking. The end products are perishable and are intended to eventually to be turned back into dross. The most striking example of my point is carmelized onions. I hate raw onions. Oooooh, I almost forgot. I used the word 'hate' in this blog which means the search engine at my employer will block my blog. Anyway, I hate raw onions.
There have been many instances in my life where I expressed my disdain for them. My family, friends, and coworkers all could swap amusing anecdotes. There are things that can be done to the lowly onion that improve it's palatablity. The first is mincing. At Mickey D's the burgers have onion on them that is bordering on pureed. I am not sure exactly why, but for me this makes the onion edible. The second is pickling. Most pickled onions are still undesirable for me but there have been a few exceptions. Namely, the Vidalia onion relish at Pirate O's. I wouldn't be able to polish off a jar of this stuff, but mixed with cheese etc. it is good. The same can be said of the pickled onions with the smoked salmon flatbread at Epic. The high holy of onion alchemy is still the carmelized onion. Combine diced sweet onions with olive oil, and a bit of soy sauce. Reduce it down for close to an hours, stirring frequently, and browning it to the point where it is flirting with charring.......Lord have mercy. There is about two ounces of it in our fridge. If I thought I could get away with it, I'd eat it all.
There are other foods than can be converted from personally inedible into something exquisite. The raw potato. The raw tomato. Zucchini. Cranber.......nah they are just nasty no matter what.
There is such a thing as modern alchemy however. It is cooking. The end products are perishable and are intended to eventually to be turned back into dross. The most striking example of my point is carmelized onions. I hate raw onions. Oooooh, I almost forgot. I used the word 'hate' in this blog which means the search engine at my employer will block my blog. Anyway, I hate raw onions.
There have been many instances in my life where I expressed my disdain for them. My family, friends, and coworkers all could swap amusing anecdotes. There are things that can be done to the lowly onion that improve it's palatablity. The first is mincing. At Mickey D's the burgers have onion on them that is bordering on pureed. I am not sure exactly why, but for me this makes the onion edible. The second is pickling. Most pickled onions are still undesirable for me but there have been a few exceptions. Namely, the Vidalia onion relish at Pirate O's. I wouldn't be able to polish off a jar of this stuff, but mixed with cheese etc. it is good. The same can be said of the pickled onions with the smoked salmon flatbread at Epic. The high holy of onion alchemy is still the carmelized onion. Combine diced sweet onions with olive oil, and a bit of soy sauce. Reduce it down for close to an hours, stirring frequently, and browning it to the point where it is flirting with charring.......Lord have mercy. There is about two ounces of it in our fridge. If I thought I could get away with it, I'd eat it all.
There are other foods than can be converted from personally inedible into something exquisite. The raw potato. The raw tomato. Zucchini. Cranber.......nah they are just nasty no matter what.
Monday, December 12, 2011
rumors, the pursuit of perfection, and errata
I have always felt it best to deal with rumor and accusation head-on. People that speak ill of me are free to have their opinions. For example, the can say, "I think John is full of bullshit". That is an opinion and one that I would occasionally have to second. When someone says, "John is lying, or John is wrong", that really pisses me off........when I am telling the truth and right anyway. Words like 'lying' and 'wrong' are statements of facts. With that having been said, let me address a rumor concerning me that has been making the rounds. Specifically regarding something that I do for just a few hours once a week.
It is has been said that I wear items that are made of leather, rubber, and are laced up to keep things in place. These statements are true. I think it is worth noting that it is usually for just a few hours at a time and typically just once a week. Sometimes I will do it twice a week, sometimes I have gone two weeks at a time. The point is I do it consistently and unashamedly. Usually it is at church. It's true....I admit it......I wear nice shoes! Johnston Murphy's. My oxblood shoes are 16.5 years old. All of this is fact.
I have spoken many times about food and what I like. A hallmark of my favorite restaurants is a signature dish. One place I enjoy is Maddox. It is a destination restaurant to be certain. What is their signature dish? Turkey steak? Fried chicken? Steaks? Maybe all of them. What makes them good not intricacy of flavors, it is not complex techniques, it is not elegant presentation. What they do is make simple things perfectly. Let me illustrate my point by describing my last meal there. The water and ice are from their own well. It is clean, crisp, and in old-school glasses. The butter and rolls are next. The butter is soft, but not squishy, and easily speardable without tearing up the roll. Simple, but perfect. The rolls and corn pones are from a few simple ingredients but precisely mixed, baked, and served perfectly warm. Simple but perfect. Next is the seafood salad. It is artificialy crab meat over a bed of shredded lettuce topped with cocktail sauce. Strangely it works. It sounds vile, but it works and I eat it all every time. Yes I like the turkey steaks. They are unique but, let's face it, the emperor is wearing no clothes. The fried chicken is skinless which is fairly unique but hardly original. This makes the thighs edible, but it is otherwise......just OK. Many who would hear me say this would get angry. I would earnestly suggest they eat a turkey steak and shut up while I state the obvious. Maddox is all about steak. The tenderloin I had was large, properly aged and seared, and fell apart while I was cutting it. The dry rub and pat of butter work perfectly. It was medium rare, instead of the rare that I ordered. Otherwise simple but perfect.
Finally I am watching a debate between Huntsman and Gingrich. Gingrich is smart to be certain, well-connected....still, and understands history and the complexities. Huntsman is transcendent. I have always thought he is a politicaly thoroughbred and today people are seeing it. He will win.
One more thing, I am still kicking around running for Senate. Hatch is a moron and I doubt the Dems got anyone to consider.
It is has been said that I wear items that are made of leather, rubber, and are laced up to keep things in place. These statements are true. I think it is worth noting that it is usually for just a few hours at a time and typically just once a week. Sometimes I will do it twice a week, sometimes I have gone two weeks at a time. The point is I do it consistently and unashamedly. Usually it is at church. It's true....I admit it......I wear nice shoes! Johnston Murphy's. My oxblood shoes are 16.5 years old. All of this is fact.
I have spoken many times about food and what I like. A hallmark of my favorite restaurants is a signature dish. One place I enjoy is Maddox. It is a destination restaurant to be certain. What is their signature dish? Turkey steak? Fried chicken? Steaks? Maybe all of them. What makes them good not intricacy of flavors, it is not complex techniques, it is not elegant presentation. What they do is make simple things perfectly. Let me illustrate my point by describing my last meal there. The water and ice are from their own well. It is clean, crisp, and in old-school glasses. The butter and rolls are next. The butter is soft, but not squishy, and easily speardable without tearing up the roll. Simple, but perfect. The rolls and corn pones are from a few simple ingredients but precisely mixed, baked, and served perfectly warm. Simple but perfect. Next is the seafood salad. It is artificialy crab meat over a bed of shredded lettuce topped with cocktail sauce. Strangely it works. It sounds vile, but it works and I eat it all every time. Yes I like the turkey steaks. They are unique but, let's face it, the emperor is wearing no clothes. The fried chicken is skinless which is fairly unique but hardly original. This makes the thighs edible, but it is otherwise......just OK. Many who would hear me say this would get angry. I would earnestly suggest they eat a turkey steak and shut up while I state the obvious. Maddox is all about steak. The tenderloin I had was large, properly aged and seared, and fell apart while I was cutting it. The dry rub and pat of butter work perfectly. It was medium rare, instead of the rare that I ordered. Otherwise simple but perfect.
Finally I am watching a debate between Huntsman and Gingrich. Gingrich is smart to be certain, well-connected....still, and understands history and the complexities. Huntsman is transcendent. I have always thought he is a politicaly thoroughbred and today people are seeing it. He will win.
One more thing, I am still kicking around running for Senate. Hatch is a moron and I doubt the Dems got anyone to consider.
Monday, September 19, 2011
talking like a pirate , "Taco Nation", and machisimo
Today is my son's birthday. That meant he got to pick what he wanted for dinner and what kind of cake he wanted. More on that later.
Today is also 'Talk like a Pirate Day". I didn't. I suspect most pirates were, like most criminals, ill-educated and not terribly bright. Given my love for the Mother Tongue, I would likely be disgusted. Though I am not sure of the exact link, today is a day of celebrating the Flying Spaghetti Monster. May you all be touched by his noodly appendage.
Sometime in the last millenia salsa consumption surpassed catsup in this country. La reconquista is alive and well. I welcome it. The plight of the illegal immigrant is something I have discussed before. But La Reconquista is not about Mexico taking over. Quite the contrary in fact. The illegals come here because Mexico sucks. The U.S. rocks. What's so bad about assimilating a little Mexican culture? There is a weekly article entitled, "Ask a Mexican" that is the only reason I read a certain newspaper. He is writing a book entitled 'Taco Nation' wherein he discusses the encroachment of Mexican food into the American pallate.
Back to my kid's birthday. What did we want? We had ranchera preparada, abodobo chicken, with tortillas, and a tres leches cake. Was it Mexican night? Nope. He just got his favorites. For him the war is over. Can Spanglish be far off? Nope, we are already doing it. At least me. The cake had strawberries and fresh peaches, cream, condensed milk, and cake moistened with evaporated milk. There is only one cake that has ever been sweeter. That would be the cake I had a few years ago with a picture of Salma Hayek on it. Son number three ate the boobs before I got to them.
I have never been much of a 'competitor'. I played a little baseball as a kid. Growing up you could usually find me in a pick-up game of flag football or playing three on three. I played a little Church basketball and softball until I became disgusted with the lack of sportsmanship. In short, I like to play with the fellas and have some fun. No more. I live in a small house, I own nothing ostentatious or flashy. I don't have a boat. I don't have a sports car. I dress and act like an old guy and don't try to be one of my kids. I am a Taoist.
I do however like to be a hospitable host whenever possible. I always try to pick up the tab when I eat out with friends. When we eat out as a family we typically have a few extra 'Loertschers' with us. When it's dinnertime anybody is who is the house eats. All of this is nothing more than straight up 'quien es mas macho?'.
The Ybarras were my neighbors for the first 24 years of my life. I barely remember Senora Ybarra other than she was kind to me and bought we a sombrero that I wore everywhere as a child. I lover her for it. Her boys, Fred, Albert, and Carlos would throw neighborhood parties where everyone was invited. After all if everyone is there, nobody calls the cops! They would have the lights strung out. Music, sometimes live. Lots of wonderful food. Plenty of places to sit and socialize. FInally, a large area where I could throw a football around with their nephews Jose and Oscar. Even today, I cannot recall having attended better parties. When I was about 10 I remember leaving a party at midnight and going to my home next door. My parents promised they would be home in just a few minutes. For whatever the reason, I woke up about two hours later and the Ybarras were still going strong. I tried yelling for everybody to shut up and go to sleep. One of the neighborhood cops (who was at the party) pointed at me as he said something to my father. The old-man shrugged and then waved at me as if to say, 'you're bothering me kid'.
Fred poured me a beer when I was eight. I got through about half of it. My parents caught me nursing it. My mom seemed entirely non-plussed and promptly went back to chatting with the women. My old man asked, "Does it taste like shit?". I said it did. He explained that it wouldn't be impolite to not finish it. So I dumped it. Dad wandered off to grab some more tamales and lay down on the grass. I washed the taste out with some chile verde and Coke with real sugar and I was right as rain.
I blame the Ybarras for what I have become. I am nothing more than a middle-aged Mexican who suffers from an overdose of machisimo. What's next? Always wearing shirts that are impossibly white? A massive rose garden in the front yard? Growing my hair out in order that I can keep it impeccably combed? I'll have none of that. Still, La reconquista is over for me. I lost the battle by the mid-70's.
Today is also 'Talk like a Pirate Day". I didn't. I suspect most pirates were, like most criminals, ill-educated and not terribly bright. Given my love for the Mother Tongue, I would likely be disgusted. Though I am not sure of the exact link, today is a day of celebrating the Flying Spaghetti Monster. May you all be touched by his noodly appendage.
Sometime in the last millenia salsa consumption surpassed catsup in this country. La reconquista is alive and well. I welcome it. The plight of the illegal immigrant is something I have discussed before. But La Reconquista is not about Mexico taking over. Quite the contrary in fact. The illegals come here because Mexico sucks. The U.S. rocks. What's so bad about assimilating a little Mexican culture? There is a weekly article entitled, "Ask a Mexican" that is the only reason I read a certain newspaper. He is writing a book entitled 'Taco Nation' wherein he discusses the encroachment of Mexican food into the American pallate.
Back to my kid's birthday. What did we want? We had ranchera preparada, abodobo chicken, with tortillas, and a tres leches cake. Was it Mexican night? Nope. He just got his favorites. For him the war is over. Can Spanglish be far off? Nope, we are already doing it. At least me. The cake had strawberries and fresh peaches, cream, condensed milk, and cake moistened with evaporated milk. There is only one cake that has ever been sweeter. That would be the cake I had a few years ago with a picture of Salma Hayek on it. Son number three ate the boobs before I got to them.
I have never been much of a 'competitor'. I played a little baseball as a kid. Growing up you could usually find me in a pick-up game of flag football or playing three on three. I played a little Church basketball and softball until I became disgusted with the lack of sportsmanship. In short, I like to play with the fellas and have some fun. No more. I live in a small house, I own nothing ostentatious or flashy. I don't have a boat. I don't have a sports car. I dress and act like an old guy and don't try to be one of my kids. I am a Taoist.
I do however like to be a hospitable host whenever possible. I always try to pick up the tab when I eat out with friends. When we eat out as a family we typically have a few extra 'Loertschers' with us. When it's dinnertime anybody is who is the house eats. All of this is nothing more than straight up 'quien es mas macho?'.
The Ybarras were my neighbors for the first 24 years of my life. I barely remember Senora Ybarra other than she was kind to me and bought we a sombrero that I wore everywhere as a child. I lover her for it. Her boys, Fred, Albert, and Carlos would throw neighborhood parties where everyone was invited. After all if everyone is there, nobody calls the cops! They would have the lights strung out. Music, sometimes live. Lots of wonderful food. Plenty of places to sit and socialize. FInally, a large area where I could throw a football around with their nephews Jose and Oscar. Even today, I cannot recall having attended better parties. When I was about 10 I remember leaving a party at midnight and going to my home next door. My parents promised they would be home in just a few minutes. For whatever the reason, I woke up about two hours later and the Ybarras were still going strong. I tried yelling for everybody to shut up and go to sleep. One of the neighborhood cops (who was at the party) pointed at me as he said something to my father. The old-man shrugged and then waved at me as if to say, 'you're bothering me kid'.
Fred poured me a beer when I was eight. I got through about half of it. My parents caught me nursing it. My mom seemed entirely non-plussed and promptly went back to chatting with the women. My old man asked, "Does it taste like shit?". I said it did. He explained that it wouldn't be impolite to not finish it. So I dumped it. Dad wandered off to grab some more tamales and lay down on the grass. I washed the taste out with some chile verde and Coke with real sugar and I was right as rain.
I blame the Ybarras for what I have become. I am nothing more than a middle-aged Mexican who suffers from an overdose of machisimo. What's next? Always wearing shirts that are impossibly white? A massive rose garden in the front yard? Growing my hair out in order that I can keep it impeccably combed? I'll have none of that. Still, La reconquista is over for me. I lost the battle by the mid-70's.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
I resolve to post more often.
I got a quick email from one of my gentle readers (and fellow Pharmacy manager who was mentioned in a previous blog becuase he wears men's underwear) informing me that my blog is blocked from view by my employer. I can come up with several good reasons for it to be blocked. 1) We aren't getting paid to waste time reading my drivel. 2) Well........the first reason alone is sufficient.
It's not so much the why that gave me pause to thing but rather the how. Apparently I used the word 'hate' somewhere in there. So I thought this might be a good time for me to discuss words. Anyone who knows me can attest that I enjoy this. I am troubled when I hear people say that two words means 'the same thing'. Naturally this is not true, otherwise we would just have one word.
So I wish to pontificate on dislike vs. hate. 'Pontificate' is a nice word. It reminds me of a Little Rascals joke I know. Naturally, Buckwheat delivers the punchline. Before I do that I wish to separate out love and hate from the mix. I do not believe these are end points for a spectrum of opinion, rather they are two different sides of the same emotionally governed coin. There is a fine line between love and hate and when the conversion occurs they are usually of the same magnitude. Think mathematics. The absolute value of negative six is six. Examples could be: The person who I have loved for a long time who betrays me is now my worst enemy. A long time adversary makes a magnaminous gesture and is now my best buddy in the world.
Like and dislike lack an emotional component. Think about the girl in college who said the she really 'liked' you. Just in case you didn't know already, that means that there was absolutely no chance she would have ever had sex with you. It's far easier to bone the ones that 'hate' you since their is a built-in emotional component that is at least present. And, if my analysis is correct, can be converted into something that makes 'make-up sex' seem like going to the prom with your sister.
Finally I am about to make my point. We have like on one end and dislike on the other. Ultimately nobody cares what we like and dislike, unless of course they love or hate them. When there is no emotional component, people don't care as much. Hence people will result to hyperbole to make their views known. I should probably go back and see where I have used the word 'hate'. I am lazy though, so I will just start a fresh list. I will naturally not list individuals. Why, because there are no individuals that I hate. There are certain groups that I hate, but mostly there are acts and attitudes that I hate. Alas, many individuals do them on occasional. So without further ado:
Uncle John's top-ten list of hated things
1) White supremacists. The thing that I find most laughable about this group is their parareligious admiration for Hitler. Let's turn back the clock to post-Weimar Germany. You are a tattooed and pierced person with a lengthy record of criminal mischief and drug-dealing. You are going to be one of the first that is 'culled' from the tribe.
The truth is I hate any group that preaches hate. I am merely reflecting back at them what they project out. Most of these kids (yes I used the word 'kids' since they are typically young and stupid) are just pissed off about some type of perceived injustice. Many of them have probably been screwed over at one point. As crime statistics overwhelmingly bear out, you were most likely screwed over by somebody of the same race. Once they figure this out, then I don't hate them any more.
2) Political extremists. This is not to say that I hate those with extreme views. Quite the contrary in fact since I have some pretty extreme ones myself. What I hate is those who vilify anyone who has a contrary position. Consider the immigration issue. There are those who think that all illegal immigrants should be deported, after all 'what part of illegal don't you understand'. Then there are those who think that they all immigrants are just here seeking a better life, should be embraced, and anybody who expresses concerns about any of them are bigoted and uncaring. I hate them both. However, from a factual standpoint the latter is slightly less full of shit I suppose. That don't mean I hate them any less.
3) Raw tomatoes
4) People that exploit suffering or fear for financial gain or to secure power. I'm not talking about morticians, or even ambulance chasing attorneys. I did however say that I would not list individuals. My old man told me, "Son, no matter how shitty things get, somebody always benefits from the status quo". These are the people that I hate.
5) Francophiles. Give it up.......English won!
6) Filet Mignon (say, isn't that a French phrase?), or any other decent cut of beef, that is 'well done'.
7) Caesar's Palace.
8) Golf.
9) Pico de Gallo.
10) Greasy, spamming, malware-spewing, robo-calling, denizens of the cyber universe. I would consider hell as a viable option if I am able to administer your daily pineapple (think "Little Nicky").
It's not so much the why that gave me pause to thing but rather the how. Apparently I used the word 'hate' somewhere in there. So I thought this might be a good time for me to discuss words. Anyone who knows me can attest that I enjoy this. I am troubled when I hear people say that two words means 'the same thing'. Naturally this is not true, otherwise we would just have one word.
So I wish to pontificate on dislike vs. hate. 'Pontificate' is a nice word. It reminds me of a Little Rascals joke I know. Naturally, Buckwheat delivers the punchline. Before I do that I wish to separate out love and hate from the mix. I do not believe these are end points for a spectrum of opinion, rather they are two different sides of the same emotionally governed coin. There is a fine line between love and hate and when the conversion occurs they are usually of the same magnitude. Think mathematics. The absolute value of negative six is six. Examples could be: The person who I have loved for a long time who betrays me is now my worst enemy. A long time adversary makes a magnaminous gesture and is now my best buddy in the world.
Like and dislike lack an emotional component. Think about the girl in college who said the she really 'liked' you. Just in case you didn't know already, that means that there was absolutely no chance she would have ever had sex with you. It's far easier to bone the ones that 'hate' you since their is a built-in emotional component that is at least present. And, if my analysis is correct, can be converted into something that makes 'make-up sex' seem like going to the prom with your sister.
Finally I am about to make my point. We have like on one end and dislike on the other. Ultimately nobody cares what we like and dislike, unless of course they love or hate them. When there is no emotional component, people don't care as much. Hence people will result to hyperbole to make their views known. I should probably go back and see where I have used the word 'hate'. I am lazy though, so I will just start a fresh list. I will naturally not list individuals. Why, because there are no individuals that I hate. There are certain groups that I hate, but mostly there are acts and attitudes that I hate. Alas, many individuals do them on occasional. So without further ado:
Uncle John's top-ten list of hated things
1) White supremacists. The thing that I find most laughable about this group is their parareligious admiration for Hitler. Let's turn back the clock to post-Weimar Germany. You are a tattooed and pierced person with a lengthy record of criminal mischief and drug-dealing. You are going to be one of the first that is 'culled' from the tribe.
The truth is I hate any group that preaches hate. I am merely reflecting back at them what they project out. Most of these kids (yes I used the word 'kids' since they are typically young and stupid) are just pissed off about some type of perceived injustice. Many of them have probably been screwed over at one point. As crime statistics overwhelmingly bear out, you were most likely screwed over by somebody of the same race. Once they figure this out, then I don't hate them any more.
2) Political extremists. This is not to say that I hate those with extreme views. Quite the contrary in fact since I have some pretty extreme ones myself. What I hate is those who vilify anyone who has a contrary position. Consider the immigration issue. There are those who think that all illegal immigrants should be deported, after all 'what part of illegal don't you understand'. Then there are those who think that they all immigrants are just here seeking a better life, should be embraced, and anybody who expresses concerns about any of them are bigoted and uncaring. I hate them both. However, from a factual standpoint the latter is slightly less full of shit I suppose. That don't mean I hate them any less.
3) Raw tomatoes
4) People that exploit suffering or fear for financial gain or to secure power. I'm not talking about morticians, or even ambulance chasing attorneys. I did however say that I would not list individuals. My old man told me, "Son, no matter how shitty things get, somebody always benefits from the status quo". These are the people that I hate.
5) Francophiles. Give it up.......English won!
6) Filet Mignon (say, isn't that a French phrase?), or any other decent cut of beef, that is 'well done'.
7) Caesar's Palace.
8) Golf.
9) Pico de Gallo.
10) Greasy, spamming, malware-spewing, robo-calling, denizens of the cyber universe. I would consider hell as a viable option if I am able to administer your daily pineapple (think "Little Nicky").
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)